Chinese women are world renowned for their beauty and demure character making them a popular choice for a life partner. So today, we have our mega one-page MUST READ intro to meeting and dating Chinese women.
Where to meet Chinese girls?
1. Language Exchange
Learning language, and particularly English, is very popular with young Chinese. English is taught in schools and most university students and graduates will have some English skills and also be quite keen to learn more. Via language exchange it’s also a good chance to learn some basic Chinese or improve your Mandarin speaking skills. It’s a great way to meet new Chinese friends, understand more about culture and learn languages, and who knows, you may also meet a fantastic girl.
2. Travel in China
Chinese are very friendly, and it’s not too difficult to make new friends. Many Chinese girls who are interested in dating foreign guys will more than likely mingle at the western bars and cafes.
If the bar scene is not your thing, head to Starbucks. You may be able to introduce yourself by asking if they speak English and asking for help with a local question. At first, of course, they will be shy, that’s very normal. You may need to visit Starbucks a few times, it’s likely that the same people go there every day and once they see you a few times they will feel more comfortable.
There’s also lots of English corners where people meet up to practice English, you’ll be very welcome there and quickly make new friends.
Be sure to have QQ app on your phone and more importantly Wechat, if you do bump into the girl of your dreams most people are happy to share their QQ or Wechat without too much thought.
3. Online Dating
In every bunch there’s always a few bad eggs, no one wants bad eggs, so let’s find out how to avoid bad eggs in the online dating scene. Firstly, many Chinese girls like to use photos of famous stars, so you’ll probably think you’re talking to an amazing beauty, better to just ignore the first photo you see unless there’s a series of photos to back it up.
Some girls work for dating companies, I remember a horror story about a poor Australian gentlemen who traveled to China to meet his online love only to find out she was an employee of a dating site simply leading him on for extra site fees. So, you have been warned.
There are so many dating services, and even dating sites for specific countries. Some offer free sign-up with a small payment for upgrading to extra features, some are completely free. Choose the one that is right for your needs. There are also many apps, take a look at out full review of dating sites and apps.
Getting to know each other online
1. Take your time
Get to know her your potential partner before making any romantic or intimate moves. It’s perhaps back-to-front compared to western culture, if she falls for you first it will be quite difficult for her to let go, so get to know her before making strong advances. If a Chinese girl looks at you and you happen to ‘tick all the boxes’, she will move fast, maybe faster than you’re ready for, be sure you are on the same page.
2. Learn about her
Chat with her at length, find out her aspirations, expectations, and family situation. Learn about her culture, and explain your culture to her and your expectations. Read about culture and ask her questions, it’s much easier to do this now rather than later. Whilst China has it’s culture, within China different regions have their own traditions and even each family circle will have it’s own traditions, get to know them, as much as you can.
3. Build a foundation based in trust
The early days of communication are the foundation of a relationship, be honest with her and look for the same in return.
4. Seek to understand her superstitions
Some Chinese girls are highly superstitious and it’s deeply ingrained. You should tease these things out early to be sure you are comfortable with all of them.
Understanding a Chinese Woman (or at least try)
1. Shyness & Modesty
Chinese by nature are reserved and humble, at first, a girl may not open up completely about her life. This doesn’t mean she is hiding anything, it just takes time to build trust. Also remember, some girls may be more tuned into Western culture than others, and be more open, but generally, Chinese girls will take time before opening up. This is a cultural difference that you may find difficult at first, but if she does open up to you, that a sure sign she likes you.
This extends to complimenting a Chinese woman, in response to a compliment they will often reject it, or not accept it. This is just culture, the cultured response to compliments is to say “nali, nali” translating to where, where. As you’ll learn, modesty is deeply ingrained into their beliefs.
2. Chivalry and romance
Chinese men are not so romantic, actually, they are quite pragmatic, you’ll find a Chinese girl to be quite surprised by romantic gestures and acts of chivalry. Some girls may even deem it as acting stupidly, although, some who have taken interest in western culture may quite enjoy it. Feel the situation out before ordering that horse and carriage ride.
3. How you look to others
In Chinese culture appearances are everything, are you presentable, easy to introduce to others? Do you have an amazing job with a big company or own your own business? All these things are important to Chinese girls as it gives her ‘face’ when she can proudly introduce her to her friends and later her family.
4. Leave Western humor at home
Jokes that may work at home probably won’t work with a Chinese girl or guy, and in actual fact, most humor is culturally based. What you may find funny could be offensive to her. First, get to understand your new friend, and find where you have common ground and build on that.
5. Chinese girls are very feminine
The country is changing rapidly, but many Chinese women are still very, very traditional and hold onto the old fashioned distinct roles of men and women in a relationship and in family life. They are also very feminine, perhaps more so than Japanese girls, they can be extremely caring and extremely loyal. They love to be spoken to in a cute way and/or to act coquettishly or to ‘Sa Jiao’ which you will probably only start to see once the relationship begins.
6. Family first
Family is one of the foremost priorities in Chinese culture, and that is most certainly the most important thing in their mind. Not only to please their family, to have ‘face’ within the family circle, but to also create their own family. Always remember, your not just hooking up with a girl, you’re being considered for inclusion to a very tight circle.
7. Marriage is at the front of mind for every Chinese girl
Extending from the last point, their mothers are on the phone every day, “when are you getting married”, and even arranging partners and dates for them to attend. There’s a lot of pressure on a girl from parents and family, especially if she is nearing 30.
8. Understand the language barriers and cultural differences that lie ahead
If you can’t speak Chinese, you should start learning or be committed to learning it. And it’s going to help a lot if the girl you partner with also has the same commitment to learning English. It’s all roses when the love goggles are on, after that there’s a whole host of cultural issues to cross, but that can be a negative point or a positive point depending on your outlook. Learning a new culture can be fascinating and can make you a better person.
Meeting for the first time
1. Look neat
I think this is obvious, it’s the same with all women. Be clean, be neat, don’t pick your nose etc.
2. Come with gifts
A simple gift, but something nice, or even cute will do. Don’t go overboard, you may set up large expectations for future gifts, but also don’t be cheap. If you choose flowers, try to ask that question early in your conversations as to what flowers and what colors she likes.
3. Keep it simple, a meal and a nice walk after dinner
For a first meet be sure to include somewhere to eat, the first meet is always a little awkward, food provides a topic for discussion. Make sure you find somewhere that suits her tastes, some like spicy, some do not, and Chinese girls can be super fussy about food!
After dinner go for a casual walk together, and use the opportunity to learn more about each other.
4. Speak her language
If you can’t speak Mandarin, at least learn some phrases. And remember all the things you talked about online including her culture and ask more questions. Wanting to learn about her culture, and being willing to speak and learn her language is a big sign of respect.
5. Compliment her
Of course, you will want to give her a compliment, and every girl loves to hear they are beautiful, but also be specific, if something stands out, be sure to compliment it. That may be her hair, choice of clothes, jewelry or the like, she will always remember that compliment and cherish those words.
As mentioned earlier, she may bashfully deny the compliment and pass it off, but actually, she is really paying attention to what you say.
6. Avoid political discussion
Most Chinese people are not interested in politics, they are mostly self-interested and aspirational. Family is their main interest, and to create a happy life.
Meeting the family
1. Stop. This is serious Mom!
If she has asked you to come to meet the family, that’s a big deal. She considers you to be offering serious long term commitment and she is also serious. At this point, you need to be sure, really sure. If you’re not sure, chill, and delay that family meeting but do use tact. She will be upset that you’ve chosen not to meet her parents and instantly will be thinking that you are not serious about her, use tact.
2. Put your eatin’ boots on
Meeting the family will involve eating, eating and then, more eating. Eating with parents, eating with cousins, eating with aunties, and then back to the parents for more eating. Get fat, live long and prosper my friend.
3. Put your drinkin’ boots on
Alcohol will come into it some stage, there will no doubt be a cousin or brother who is of a similar age to you and will want to give you a traditional Chinese super warm welcome to the family. Warning: there could be Baijiu involved, which is basically some kind of petroleum product, that they drink. And some old schoolers drink lots of it. Scratch off the next few days on your calendar. Tip: Don’t throw up on your in-laws.
4. What gift to take?
Definitely take a gift, it will depend on the family and their own culture and probably your girl can help you choose something appropriate.
5. Be ready for lots of questions
her family will want to know what type of man you are. And they will also ask lots of questions about what you do for a living. They really want to know if you are going to care for their family member, and be a good provider. Avoid boasting and be modest in your responses, modesty is highly valued.